A mom with a newborn almost 40 days old writes desperately in a parenting group: “Ugh, I don’t know what to do, I even go to the toilet holding the baby. I’m always carrying her, I can’t do anything” (you get the idea, I don’t need to write it all).

Many people reply: “Get an Asteraki, it’ll be a life-saver!”

And indeed, a close friend who loves her very much gifts her an Asteraki. A few days later, when someone asks how it’s going, she says: “Ugh, the baby doesn’t like it, she only wants to be in my arms.”

One month later, we bump into this mom at a meetup. She’s wearing it confidently (and the baby looks very content, and so does she).

Me: “I’m so glad you found your way after all.”

Mom: “Want me to tell you the truth? Back then, I was going through a rough patch. I wasn’t looking for a way to carry the baby more. I was looking for someone to take the baby for a while. I couldn’t handle holding her anymore.”

I totally get it. There are times when all we can feel is “I don’t want to carry this baby anymore!” The Asteraki is the perfect solution for comfortable carrying, for hands-free cuddles, for safe snuggles. But it’s still carrying. Sometimes, all of us moms just need half an hour, an hour, WITHOUT the baby. Haven’t you felt that too?

There’s a mom-to-be who really wants a ring sling. We talk about it long before she gives birth, research options, she even chooses the color. She dreams about how she’ll wear the long tail dramatically, etc.
Just before birth, she’s gifted a different kind of carrier — not a ring sling. For her own reasons, she decides to keep it and not exchange it for the one she originally wanted.
And, to be honest, things don’t go well. “It doesn’t feel secure”, “The baby doesn’t like it”, “It’s too big for my baby”, “It takes forever to put on”…

When we were kids, we were taught how to tie our shoelaces. Whether we learned it easily or with effort, we all eventually learned how to tie a bow. BUT not everyone chooses to wear shoes with laces. Some people just don’t want to tie laces. That doesn’t mean lace-up shoes are “difficult” or inconvenient in general. It just means everyone has personal preferences.Anyone who wants to learn how to use a baby carrier can absolutely learn (especially with help from us). That’s a certainty. But whether you’ll actually enjoy using it — that’s personal. Some people don’t want to tie anything; they say “the tying exhausts me.” So they skip the mei tai and go for something with buckles. Someone else might choose a wrap — 5 whole meters of fabric to tie — and love it. Someone says “I feel like a robot in buckles,” while someone else feels empowered by that very structure.

We don’t all have to be comfortable with the same thing. It’s best to choose what suits YOU. If the tying carrier worked great for you and you gift one to a friend, that doesn’t mean it will work for her too. If you don’t want to tie, don’t get a tying carrier. We don’t go around saying “lace-up shoes are hard.”

And of course, sometimes it’s hard to know what will suit us until we try it. You might think something is perfect for you, but later find out you don’t have the patience for it. Or maybe you end up wanting something less bulky, softer, or firmer…

That’s why I struggle when people ask me to recommend a carrier. I can tell you which carriers are suitable for your baby’s weight, which ones offer ergonomic support for the positions you want (e.g., back carrying, outward facing, etc.), and which ones are within your budget. But I can’t always tell you which one will feel right for *you*.
But we can definitely talk it through — as much as you like! 😉

Read: What to do if your baby cries in the baby carrier